The only person you can change is yourself
Einstein once said that the definition of madness was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
You can fall into unhealthy patterns with certain people. I always thought if I tried harder, compromised and practiced patience, things would improve.
But people show you what they’re about. Ignore what they say. Mute and watch.
You’re not supposed to call it. You’re not supposed to change. You’re meant to perpetuate the cycle.
My relationship with my parents is a vicious cycle I have often tried to escape from. The stuff that Grimm Fairy tales are made of. I’ve always been quite wary of people and their intentions as a result.
If it was still socially acceptable to dump a daughter in a forest for not agreeing with you, my dad would be all over that, and my mum would blindly second him.
Why it’s like this is a mystery to me. My parents have always seen me as a troublemaker. My mother says it’s because I was a horrible child. Always crying. Having to defend why I cried as a baby was a particular low point.
I talk a lot. I have a fiery temper. I stand up for myself. I sing in the shower.
Not everyone likes that.
I was always pleasantly surprised by people who enjoyed my company. Growing up, being me was something I was told was offensive to others. The friends with ulterior motives, cheating partners, and bullying exes were to be expected, if I believed what my dad had to say.
It was easy to leave home. But cycles aren’t broken by walking away. You find a way to continue them.
If I kept asking people who didn’t value me what I was worth, I would keep on getting the same miserable answer and feeling bad about myself. There were better people to ask.
Saner people too.
I have had nothing but time on my hands in the last few months. Time to sort out my affairs, make plans for the future and readdress relationships I have had that have been one sided, disrespectful and disloyal.
It’s made me happier, albeit a few friends lighter.
There is no winning at home. If I’m not there I’m ungrateful, if I am there I wasn’t welcome in the first place.
You can’t argue with that.
You can put on headphones on and look for jobs abroad, or somewhere else to live.
It’s nice to be supported and liked by your parents. But not necessary.
My sanity and happiness, I can’t live without.
Main Image courtesy of Gratis Photography.